Things I Never Thought I’d Say as a Mother

POSTED ON 03/11/2015

Things I Never Thought I’d Say as a Mother

My sister is 12 years older than me, and she had her kids in her mid-20s. I was an aunt at 12, which was amazing. As I watched her kids grow, I also watched her do things I swore I would never do when I was a mother, such as racking up more than $20 in fees at the local library and backing out of the driveway before ensuring everyone was securely fastened. Of course, today, I am guilty of them all.

There were also those things mothers said which I thought would never come from my mouth. Now, I think I say all of them on a weekly — if not daily — basis. (Disclaimer: as a young mother in the 80s, my sister was too hip to say most of these things). These are those trite, ridiculous things that you think you will never say. You will instead drop to your knees and engage in true, heart-felt dialogue over the simplest transgression.

But you won’t. Instead you’ll say:

If I sit on your pee again, I am going to make you sit on mine.

Stop teasing your sister. No, she is not crying for no reason. (disclaimer: she might be, but it does no one any good to admit that).

I don’t care who started it, you stop it.

You can’t have dessert unless you eat your carrots.

Come here. Let me smell your hands. I know they aren’t washed.

Go.To.Bed. I am NOT KIDDING. Go. To. BED. (repeat 100X)

If you eat straight sugar, worms will grow in your stomach.

If you stick your finger too far up your nose, you WILL pull your brain out.

Why doesn’t anyone ever eat the lunches I pack?

Could everyone be quiet for just one minute so I can THINK?

Because I said so.(Wasn’t that a bad movie?)

You have to order off the kids’ menu. I don’t care if it says 10 and under. You’ve only been 11 for a few months.

These are of course just the tip of the iceberg. I’d love to hear yours.

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